Skillfull speech
(Inspired by an article by Alan Lokos, Meditation teacher)
Some time ago, in our Monday morning meditation classes, we talked a lot about silence, but I don’t think we’ve ever discussed speech – in relation to meditation and the philosophy of mindfulness.
Aristotle said: "Speech is the representation of the mind."
The 8-fold Path for Noble Ones - which is also called "The Middle Way" - is an old Buddhist teaching on how to live ethically - and includes: Right Understanding, Right Means of Making a Living, Right Thought, Right Conduct, Right Mental Effort or Attitude, Right Mindfulness or Concentration and Right Speech. The practice of right or skilful speech is considered so important, that it's right up there with Mindfulness and all the rest.
In the Sutra’s, such great emphasis is placed on the practice of skillful speech because, as it points out, we are always engaged in relationships of one sort or another, always communicating, starting with the most significant relationship: the one with ourself!
The way we communicate with each other is important because the words we use, what we say, (and now also what we text or email) is very powerful, and can bring either happiness or cause suffering to others - and to ourselves.
The Sutra’s say we should refrain from lying, slander, profanity and harsh language. We should avoid language that is rude, abusive, disagreeable or malicious, and we should refrain or abstain from talk that is foolish, idle, babble or gossip. What remains are words that are truthful, kind, gentle, useful and meaningful. Our speech will comfort, uplift and inspire.
Other traditional writings mention that we should:
Never criticise, never find fault, never abuse;
Never even blame anyone, either to his face or behind his back;
Never hurt the feelings of anyone, man or animal;
Never let a harsh or unkind word escape your lips,
But speak always words of love, truth and kindness.
A quote I'm sure you are familiar with: "If you propose to speak, always ask yourself: Is it true, is it necessary, is it kind?"
I know, for myself, that the times I slip up and make mistakes in my speech is when I'm in a rush, not relaxed, too stuck in my own head or not totally aware and present. This usually happens when I'm very tired, have loaded too much on my to-do list and am not meditating regularly.
During meditation, we become aware of how we speak to ourselves and what our tendencies are. Sometimes we are impatient, sometimes not. During meditation we also practice to eliminate the negative and replace it with the positive. The more we meditate, the more we become balanced in our outlook, positive in mind and balanced and positive in our speech.
Patience and practice has a lot to do with skilful speech. Sometimes there is no need to act immediately – and sometimes not even at all - on every feeling that arises nor to every word that is spoken or sent to us. Sometimes its simply better to remain silent. But then we should even be skillfully silent. This kind of silence is not moping or sulking, but comes from wisdom, awareness, and practice.
“Silence offers us the spaciousness we need to speak more skillfully. “ Allan Lokos
Silence is sometimes the most compassionate answer.
If, after reading this, you're having thoughts about silence not being assertive enough, or about being in danger of becoming a doormat, all the teachings mention that qualities such as compassion, patience, equanimity and silence are not grounded in weakness or our inability to react or respond.
Instead, these qualities are grounded in wisdom and awareness because it is these qualities that help us to see things as they really are.
