How do we "let go of our ego"?
There are a couple of phrases or words you will hear thrown about in meditation and mindfulness circles. We have mentioned a couple of them already, but one that you’ve all heard of, I’m sure, is “letting go” and more often than not in relation to the word ‘EGO’.
You will hear people talk about “letting go of Ego”, “Death of Ego”, “Transcending Ego”, or some variation of this. So what does it mean exactly, this letting go of ego?
Let’s first talk about the concept of ego. We shouldn’t confuse it with self-confidence or self esteem. Ego in the Freud sense of the word has a different meaning to the way we use ego in meditation. In our normal and conventional world, we might use the word ego in a phrase like: “He’s constantly talking about himself, he’s so arrogant, he’s so egotistical”
The way we see ‘ego’ in meditation is slightly different. We use the word ego because it’s the closest translation that everyone understands of the word “atman” or “anatta”, which describes the concept of “not-self”. Not no-self, but not-self. Meaning that we exist, but perhaps don’t exist in the conventional and concrete way we believe ourselves to exist.
Let’s try an experiment: think of yourself. The entity you think of as “I”. Me. Myself. What is you? What image or idea springs to mind? Your body? Your conscience? Your mind? Your personality? Usually we have the sensation of placing our attention or our awareness to some place inside ourselves as we imagine this Self or I being located somewhere inside the body. This sensation might be quite subtle? But we discover when we begin to look, that we don’t really know exactly where this "I" is. Or even what it is.
So I suggest something to you: There is no “I” in the conventional sense we believe ourselves to be here. A lot of the things we take for granted about “I” are entirely imagined and imputed.
Using a car as an example: what is a car? We can imagine a car being an object, separate from other objects, with a specific function and you can point at a car and say “there is a car”. But if you were to put all the parts out on a garage floor, you no longer have a car. You would only have a collection of parts. Because of this, we can say that the car exists by virtue of the relationships between the parts which comprise it. If you destroy or disrupt those relationships, the car disappears.
A simpler example is that of a fist. Roll up your fingers into the palm of your hand and make a fist. You can point to it (with your other hand), and say "Fist". But now unroll your fingers, and you see that the fist immediately disappears. So what then is a fist? It is no more than a concept or abstraction to which we give a label.
So we look at ourselves in the same way. What is I, what is me? In meditation we see our ego, our SELF as being a relationship or process rather than a concrete object.
We are an aggregate and constantly changing process of experience, memory, body, mind, feelings, emotions, habits, opinions, preferences, family dynamics, social background, education, etc. We all have different experiences, emotions, habits, preferences, social and educational background, which makes all of us slightly different. This ‘suitcase’ of past experience we carry with us into the present we call “vasana”. It is this vasana, our past experiences, which also makes each of us react differently to situations and interactions with people. In addition to this, we are all constantly changing. We are vastly different from 5, 10, 20 yrs. ago. And we will be vastly different next year, the year after, in 5 or 10 yrs. time.
We are all born without an ‘ego’ or an idea of Self. We develop a self-identity as we grow up. We change constantly: on a cellular level, intellectual level, emotionally. Everything about us is changing constantly. Everything in the universe is constantly changing. Even the most seemingly immovable objects change. Mountains change.
Initially, this concept of our Self being so changing and not constant might seem a bit scary. Perhaps feel a bit out of control? But actually it is our need to cling onto our idea of Self that causes us problems. We struggle, which causes us frustration and suffering.
Once you get used to thinking about Self in this way, you will probably find it very liberating. The concept of changing and impermanence gives us space and freedom from habit energy, from patterns.
When we watch the ‘Self’ in meditation, you will quickly notice the self referencing. Almost all your thoughts will be about me, myself and I. That’s fine. Don’t make any judgment on this. For now we can work with the awareness that we don’t have to consider any part of this “Self” to be permanent, unchanging, concrete.
When we sit in meditation, and we direct our attention inwards, it is not unusual for us to start noticing things about ourselves. Some good, maybe some bad. The important thing about meditation is to approach ourselves and our (meditation) practice with gentleness. With kindness. Towards yourself. This is important. And we also need to be skillful about how to deal with what comes up in meditation. Mindfulness Meditation is not the time or place to analyse. Analysis is for another time. At this stage of meditation all things observed are not to be categorized as either good or bad. Suspend your judgment for now. Merely observe. Kindly, gently and with compassion.
See you next week!
_/\_ Mx
