Equanimity - what is it, actually?
We talk a lot about equanimity in meditation.
It's 'one of those words': we all kind-of-know what it means, but are maybe a bit vague about the exact nature of it.
Equanimity explained in meditation "is the quality of mind that can receive everything without being bothered by it."
Another way of explaining equanimity is “the quality of mind that receives everything without preference for one thing over another.“ A Zen monk explained it beautifully: "It [The Great Way] is not difficult for those who have no preferences."
I think we probably all know the opposite: the reactive mind: Think about the words a reactive mind uses: I hate this! I love that! Can’t stand her! I don’t like him. I don’t eat beans. I don’t like busy places. I don't like quiet places. This is my chair. She’s using my scissors. I’m not sharing my lunch. It has to do with our expectations and our attachment to the outcome of a situation.
Sometimes it's difficult not to think of equanimity as having a quality of pulling back. Of being less of something. Maybe being less angry or less irritated. But actually the quality of equanimity is MORE of something: it is about opening up to an experience, not pulling back from. Because it has a huge element of open-heartedness about it. And contains an element of strength through staying flexible.
You may be thinking: "Well, I'm the kind of person who likes changing things up. Happy to go with the flow, never making fixed plans, and in that way I'm never really bothered much by change. You might even thrive on it. Exciting! If you are fortunate enough to have of those enviable, laid-back temperaments, you probably don't really need to be reading this. :)
But regardless of how we feel about change, when it comes upon us unexpectedly – when it is not of our own making (sometimes even when it is) it can feel very unwelcome.
I invite you to take a moment to consider the deeper meaning and some examples of equanimity you may not have thought of:
When we are worried, we have no equanimity because we are attached to the how we want the situation to be, rather than accepting whatever may happen because we know we have put forward our best effort.
When we procrastinate, we have no equanimity, because we are attached to our comfort and feeling easy, rather than pushing ourselves to put an effort into something.
When we become frustrated with a situation or with someone, it is easy to see how we are attached to how we want that person to behave or how we want that person to be, rather than accepting them as the wonderful, flawed human being we all are.
When we really, really want things to go our way, and we are clinging to our expectations, it takes a bit of practice to learn to recognise this is happening, first of all. Then we learn to have a direct experience / understanding of the fact that this clinging is what is causing us to suffer. And lastly, we learn to untangle ourselves from it. Once we have this mastered, we will feel equanimity and perfect balance.
A few wonderful descriptions of Equanimity:
"Equanimity describes a complete sense of openness about the experience as it unfolds, without judgment."
"Equanimity doesn’t mean we are happy and calm when things happen as we think they should. Equanimity means we can face up to all of it, sad, happy, ugly with equal composure."
I once read in book by Sadhguru, an Indian mystic, yoga teacher, spiritual philosopher:
“When we see life just as it is, you realise it is multidimensional. You realise that, if you don’t enjoy the whole scope of life, it’s a foolish way to live.
There is no “This is it"or “that is it”
There is no "this or that!"
There is no “yes or no”.
There is just "yes and yes"
--- Sadhguru
The way I understand equanimity is that we have to learn to live all our life, love all our life, with our whole heart.
When we adopt that kind of open-heartedness, that kind of flexibility, we would have the kind of equanimity that opens up endless possibilities.
Have a wonderful week!
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