Mundane Mindfulness
Of course we know, and it will come as no surprise, to hear that our meditation sitting is not supposed to be rooted in expectation. If we have expectations of something special happening to us during meditation, such as a special state of mind, an insight, or any other special experience, we are completely missing the point of meditation. Using ritualized psychedelics to encourage extraordinary experiences or mental states during meditation is not new, but seems to be increasing in popularity. People want exciting stuff!
If we start meditation with the aim to having a special experience, and only truly pay attention to what we think are the important bits, we miss out on a whole chunk of reality. Mindfulness meditation is simply ‘watchfulness’ as our own life reveals itself to us with a greater clarity – and our life is often nothing very extraordinary at all, very mundane, sometimes even plain, old boring.
Yuval Harari, author of Sapiens, has a solid mindfulness practice, and was asked in an interview to describe anything unusual or extraordinary he has experienced on his various meditation retreats. I can’t quote him exactly, but I really enjoyed his answer: He wasn’t going to talk about any special meditation experiences because meditation is simply watching our reality unfolding from moment to moment, and there is nothing particularly unusual or extraordinary in that experience.
When we have expectations of our meditation, wanting it to be something special, invariably we end up wanting it to be something other than what it is. For instance, if we feel we must have silence for our meditation, the time will come that we won’t have that silence, and subsequently we’ll feel as if ‘it didn’t work’.
If we have that kind of expectation in meditation, (or anywhere else in our life) we have what we call ‘craving’. From the Pali term bahva tanha. It means “thirst” and is a state of mind rooted in attachment.
We all have a mind state called ‘craving’ from time to time. It is our natural tendency to lean this way. Sense craving is one of the most obvious forms of attachment. We much prefer, no we WANT pleasant sights, sounds, smells, tastes, pleasant sensations in the body, and pleasant mind states. (In Buddhism, the mind is the 6th sense.)
When we think of expectation, desire, craving or attachment we often think of it as something to avoid. But is desire a bad thing? To want our life to feel pleasant? Well, no. But the downside is that life and the world we live in is unpredictable, impermanent and subject to change at a moment’s notice. Therefore the pleasantness will come. And it will stay for some time. And one day it will disappear. To count on anything staying with us permanently is setting ourselves up for disappointment and unhappiness.
Personally, I don’t believe it’s necessary to get rid of all our desires, and meditation is not about beating ourself up about really 'wanting' or needing that holiday.
A beneficial and effective method of working with bahva tanha (attachment or craving) is to develop a balanced approach to our desires through awareness and recognition.
How? One way is through meditation practice. Meditating on bahva tanha, we could set an intention to bring to mind a regular expectation. Something we know we desire. Start with something that is easily brought to mind. It will be different for each of us. For our meditation practice an easy example could be the idea that we 'must have' silence, a comfortable posture, or a sense of relaxation or peace.
But maybe something about our off-the-mat life arises in the mind: it could be coffee, TV, food, phones, social media, our reputation.
Bringing the familiar scenario to mind, we watch how the scene usually plays out. When we set an intention to create awareness of our attachment, we quickly notice our natural bias towards things. We can see when or how we get lost in craving or attachment.
Included in our intention could be that we will remember that we don’t have to go in that direction. We don’t have to follow the mind every time. Knowing this is not quite the same as turning away from it, avoiding it, or rationalising it away. It’s about relaxing into an awareness of it, creating a more balanced way of looking at it, not having to follow our reactive mind. This practice alone often helps to remove the grip of craving or attachment, and often the craving seems to disappear by itself.
The second type of craving is quite subtle and people don’t think about it much: It’s called 'craving for becoming'.
An example is the obsessive PLANNING MIND. We may be able to imagine someone who is working so hard for retirement, they seem to have no time to enjoy the present moment. The mind gets so caught up in a future situation, the present seems to vanish. This is different from mindfully planning for things that need to be done. The craving for becoming could be different things: it could be planning to go somewhere, move somewhere or actually becoming something: working to be powerful, popular or famous.
Another example of craving for becoming is EXPECTATION, one of the biggest obstacles in meditation. Expectation unsettles the mind when we sit, and it is not the same aspiration. Aspiration is like setting an intention. For instance intending to become more patient or compassionate, gain insight. Aspiration can be inspiring and motivating, whereas expectation creates tension and worry when it doesn’t happen.
One of the easiest examples of craving to become is the feeling of RUSHING. When we’re rushing, our mind is already somewhere else, way ahead of our body. Rushing doesn’t mean moving very fast. You can be rushing while moving very slowly. It means energetically moving into the future, leaning into the next moment. You can be rushing while sitting in meditation.
When we’re rushing, when we are planning, when we become irritated by noise or bad smell or unpleasant sensations in the body or mind states, we’re forgetting the central understanding of our mindfulness practice: meditation is not about getting anywhere. It’s about being here, exactly where we are now. It’s not about wanting things to be a certain way, holding on or clinging to ideas. It’s also not about ‘getting rid’ of all our bad habits, turning the craving to becoming into working hard to be the perfect person.
Meditation is all about letting go of our rigid frame of thinking so we can feel more freedom. Letting go of expectations, cravings, and desires isn’t about no longer wanting anything or not caring about what happens next. It’s a shift from fixed reactions to something more flexible.
Meditation gives us the skills and tools to pause, to reflect on our desires, noticing whether it makes sense to act in this way, or not. And if it doesn't, we let it go.
