Finding balance in this crazy world: Changing your world by the way you look at it.
I’m sure we all have moments when life feels “crazy out of whack”. There are times when we feel out of balance, surrounded by conflict and strife, whether at work, politically, or in relationships. We feel exhausted, wish for peace, calm and tranquility, but it seems to elude us. If only we could get away on that retreat….
In Zen we say: 'We experience everything through our mind.' Everything we experience is a choice, a projection of our mind. So to change our life from bubble, bubble toil and trouble into balance and ease, we only need to choose to change the way we look at it, perceive it.
“We change our mind, we change our world”, the saying goes. Or, as I read this morning on WildMind: "Love isn't what you look for, it's how you look." We change our mind, we change the way we see things. We change the way we see things, we change our experience of it. We change our experience of it, we change our world.
Last year I came across an ancient Hawaiian practice called Ho’oponopono. When I first heard about this practice, I have to admit I thought it was a bit new-age fluffy, hey-shoo-wah. But somehow I kept coming across it and eventually gave it a go. So if you are also of a more analytical, scientific bent, and not so good with ‘fluffy stuff’, I invite you just to put that idea about yourself aside for a moment and to give this a go. You may be surprised.
The words Ho'onopono means "to make right; to bring back to balance.” It’s a practice of reconciliation and it shares a concept with Zen Buddhism: The foundation of Ho’oponopono practice rests on forgiveness, gratitude and taking responsibility for what happens in our life by changing our mind about how we receive or perceive it.
It means clearing our minds of old beliefs, feelings or memories which cause us conflict and separation from others: “If I see fault in you, my job is not to correct you. My responsibility is to clear myself so I can change my perception.”
Conflict always creates an imbalance: We tend to separate ourselves from others and from our inner self by shifting blame or burying emotions. By doing either of those things, we might sidestep conflict, but we don't come back into our true balance.
Ho’oponopono is a very simple technique that allows us to sit with conflict and ease ourself into a mindset of taking responsibility, untangling emotions and old beliefs, memories or feelings. It uses a 4 stage mantra, or phrases, the order of which is not particularly important, but generally is as follows:
"I’m sorry; Please forgive me; Thank you; I love you."
This is how it works:
You can repeat any of the 4 phrases as often as you want to, and you can start this practice without bringing a specific person or situation to mind. Or you can bring a person, a group of people, or a situation to mind first, and then move through the mantras.
I quite like to start off ‘cold’, as it were, and sit patiently to see what comes up. Sometimes it takes a while. Other times it comes up pretty quickly. And it doesn’t matter whether something does or doesn’t. You can’t force this stuff.
I do urge you to start with something small, though.
If you immediately find yourself drawn to something huge, emotional and very raw, you might have some trouble sitting with this practice.
Maybe start with something that annoys you only slightly, or something which troubles you only slightly. Like the guy who took your parking spot, or a slow-driving person in front of you in traffic. Or perhaps a rude shop assistant. Something that pushes your buttons, but only slightly.
“I’m sorry”:
Working with the phrase "I'm sorry" can be difficult for some because our ego gets very involved in this practice, and we are often confronted by arrogant feelings: believing 'I am right, they are wrong, so why should I apologise?' You might think you have a habit of apologising too often anyway. Saying sorry in this context is not about being wrong and saying sorry out of guilt or shame. And it certainly doesn't mean the same as "I'm not good enough."
Saying “I'm sorry”in this context means something very slightly different. It is about taking responsibility for playing a part in anything difficult, negative or causing conflict in your environment. If you're not familiar with the idea, it may be difficult to get your head around it.
You could start with the idea that it always takes two people to cause strife. It's really about the concept that we are all completely responsible for the world we live in through the way we see it, through our perception of it.
“Forgive me”:
This can be a difficult phrase to work with too. When we think of conflict and forgiveness, we often pull back because it means having to forgive someone for something they did to us. The beauty of this technique is that it is purely internal. You say it to yourself. You don’t have to speak to the person involved. And it doesn’t have to mean what that person did isn’t wrong anymore. Sometimes ‘forgive me’ might have more to do with the self than with others, meaning making amends with yourself.
Or forgiveness could mean letting go of anger about someone who has wronged us. Sitting with old anger or negative feelings isn't good for us.
“Thank you”:
Gratitude is an incredible practice. I can’t think of one situation where gratitude doesn’t have a positive effect on our psysche. In this situation, expressing gratitude means being thankful for what we do have, rather than concentrating on the troubles. But also expressing gratitude for the practice itself, for the opportunity to let negative thoughts come to the surface (awareness) and to have the opportunity to clear our minds, to find balance. Or to ‘reset to zero’ as the Ho’oponopono saying goes.
“I love you”:
We finish off with “I love you” because conflict causes separation, and actually we are all connected, and we are all the same. It is a reminder to us that everyone - even the person who has wronged us – only wants to be happy and suffers in the same way as us. Saying "I love you" is thinking of people with loving kindness and compassion, even if you just say that in your mind.
What I found quite profound about this simple practice is the impact of the words. These words and the concepts are very powerful. The idea of “Im sorry”, “Forgive me”, “Thank you” and “I love you” can go right to the heart.
This practice reminds me that almost every spiritual tradition has something which works along similar lines: working with love, compassion and forgiveness, so this doesn’t have to be a Hawaiian or Buddhist practice.
And even if the following words were written from a Buddhist perspective (by Jan Willis from “A Vision of What Could Be”) the idea could probably be found in any holy book: “[Buddhism] aims at nothing less than the complete transformation of our ordinary and limited perception of who we are as human beings.”
To all the yogi's out there who are reading this post, you might be asking yourself what this has to do with yoga. :)
Yoga asanas (postures) is only a tiny part of what yoga is all about. Yoga is a mental as well as a physical practice. Balance is about more than just tree pose on the mat. Yoga aims at balancing mind, body and spirit, bringing emotional resilience and peace of mind.
Have a wonderful week.
See you on the mat!
M
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